Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Crack **********

Read. Turn. Finish. Sigh. Think.

Chop, fry, splash, simmer, serve.


Watch. Laugh. Nudge. Rewind. Snort. Snigger. Gasp. Consider.

Run. Scrub. Sweat. Stand. Dry. Slump. Retire.Type.

No, this is not a piece of painfully modern verse, but my attempt to bring down the capitalist system with a description of my most recent goings on. (I have goings ons rather than activities as activities are far too, well, active.)

According to  Crack Capitalism (John Holloway: Pluto £17.99),  nouns (car, wall, food) hide the activity that created them. Therefore all 'anti-capitalist literature should abandon nouns and just use verbs'.


My little protest (above) made the Dow Jones Index plunge by 0.000000000003 of a cent.

I wonder if abstract nouns count as anti-capitalist? They cannot be seen, touched, smelled or tasted, have no monetary value - and very little literary value, come to think of it ...

Still, it's a bit rum to charge £17.99 for a book on how to be an anti-capitalist, don't you think?

I studied Sociology at night school when I was sixteen (so I could avoid further Latin) and until then had thought capitalism was WRITING LIKE THIS. Within a week, I was fired up by a whacking big set text - the infamous Haralambos - and subscribed to New Society (as it was then) which resulted in my father thinking we were on one of MI5's lists.

There was a row every Wednesday as my left-wing periodical landed on the doormat. (Making strange noises on the upstairs' phone whilst Pa was talking on the downstairs' phone probably didn't help the situation.) I told him that his morning delivery of The Daily Telegraph would cancel out any suspicions raised by my 'pink rag' but he wasn't reassured.

Capitalism clearly isn't working. The earth will run out of resources if we carry on consuming so greedily. Let's bring down the ********** to its ***** by only using ***** when we write. (Ooh, I believe that last sentence brought about a wobble in the Hostess/Twinkie empire.)

The posters for our protest marches - there'll be several, don't worry - are going to be tricky.


BAN THE ****!

LEGALISE ************!

If you can offer a noun-less solution, I'll be forever in your debt.


  1. Just the entertainment I need at this unearthly hour of the morning! LOL !

  2. Hmm, there's certainly a lot of money made from anti-capitalism. Two people I know, would bang on about the evils of the capitalist society all day long. One, lives in a large, swanky house, drives a large swanky car and was always pushing for pay rises, when I worked with him. The second, lives in a 'frightfully bijou' residence in Hampstead. She and her husband - both senior academics - pulling in a combined salary in excess of £120k. Perhaps I'll put the 'noun' question to them at some point?

  3. What do we want?


    When do we want it?


    Ooh, yes, this policy has ****!

  4. I'll have to think about this - but I wonder if generalities could be utilised - instead of specifics? e.g. use common denominators like 'them' 'it' ... or better still something all-encompassing (dare I say 'all-inclusive'?) like 'everything':
    Ban them!
    Stop it!
    Legalise everything!