Friday, 7 May 2010

Breaking News

Talks between the Conservative and the Liberal Democrat Parties have resulted in an historic settlement.

"We are pleased to announce that we will be working together," said William Vague, the one with the deepest and most serious voice. "The Liberal Democrats have accepted our unbelievably sincere offer of three Government positions and we look forward to future Cabinet meetings."

Mick Clegg said, "Both the Conservative Party and I want what's best for the Country. It is in my, I mean, our interest to work together. I am delighted to accept the post of Head of Paperclips."

Vince (Legs) Grable, the new Cabinet Minister for Teaspoons said, "I feel strangely stirred by this moment. We have made history. Oi! I've counted them so put that back."

Charles Kennedy, newly-appointed (Drinks) Cabinet Secretary said, "David's also put me in charge of desks and bookshelves and understair cupboards. Therefore, I am still more important than Mick Cleggover which is all that really matters."


  1. Cleggover's about right. It put me off him when he spoke to GQ (I think it was GQ magazine) about his '30 lovers' before he got married. I'd love to have been there when he got home that evening and his wife had a copy of his article there ....

  2. Tacky. What Fran said, or actually what MC said.

    But now you have a HUNG PARLIAMENT, just like the Canadians have had since 2004! So Italian...

  3. As a friend of mine said on Twitter: 'Don't do it, Nick - he'll give you chlamydia and leave you in a ditch.'