Tuesday, 15 June 2010

Custard's Last Stand?

British scientists have claimed that the method used to calculate absolutely everything may be wrong.

It is a given that the universe is chock-a-block with planets, stars, asteroids and gas - but despite obvious overcrowding (caused by satellites, sputniks, space shuttles, Russian monkeys and Richard Branson) this astral jetson accounts for just four per cent of the cosmos.

The rest is thought to be made up of mysterious matter and energy - of a texture akin to custard. This custard gets everywhere - as custard often does - and is believed to power the expansion of the universe.

Physicists at Durham University now claim the calculations on which the size of the universe is based could be half-baked.

This raises the frankly unbelievable possibility that the 'custard side' of the cosmos does not exist.

Dr Robert Pye of the Royal Astronomical Society, said: “This would challenge assumptions about the long term future of the custard-based universe model, because the assumption at the moment is that univeral custard is expanding like nothing on earth and if it isn’t that would be a huge shock."


  1. Custard gets everywhere?! Great! I will grab some as it flies past.

  2. Best always to have a wide-mouthed saucepan to hand. A colander is completely bob for this sort of task.

    Thus speaks the Voice of Experience.

  3. Do we know if this custard is made the milky way?

  4. Martin - HAHAHAHAHA! I snorted coffee over my keyboard!

  5. I could live in a universe made of custard...

    (undecided what punctuation to use there. The certainty of a full stop, the raised eyebrow of the exclamation mark or the frank skepticism of the question mark?!?!)

    It's a roly poly world and no mistake.

    p.s. good one, Martin!

  6. My last laugh of the day, Moptop. In fact, I think it's my only one, but never mind. I have missed you and will be back a bit more often once I've stopped sightseeing.

    Martin...you're good.