Overheard Conversation #6

Location: Supermarket pet food aisle. Interior. Afternoon.

Characters: Mum, Dad, two children - one girl, one boy.

Mum: Do we need dog food?

Dad: We haven't got a dog.

Mum: So we don't need dog food, then?

Dad: No.

Girl: Can we get a dog?

Dad: No.

Boy: What about a puppy?

Dad: No.

Girl: Let's have a vote. Who here wants a dog?

MUM, GIRL & BOY RAISE THEIR HANDS

Girl: That's one, two, three votes against one. We win.

Dad: We're not getting a dog.

Girl (MUTTERING): It's like living in Stalinist Russia.

Dad (QUICKLY): What we do need is plant food. Who fancies a trip to B&Q?

Mum, Girl, Boy: NO!

Dad: For the roses.

Mum: We haven't got any roses.

Dad: Yes, we have. That white one in the back. Ice - ice -?

Boy: Cube?

Mum: Iceberg.

Dad: That's the one.

Mum: You dug it up.

Dad: What?

Mum: You said it looked dead, so you dug it up.

Daughter (SMUGLY): All roses look dead in winter.

Mum: You dug up the clematis too.

Boy: And that other plant.

Dad: What other plant?

Boy: The one you said looked dead.

Girl: All plants look dead in winter.

Boy: Except Christmas trees.

Girl: Let's get a dog for Christmas!

Dad: We can't get a dog. It'll go to sleep, I'll think it's dead and I'll bury it.

Daughter: Just get one, Mum. He'll be cross for a week or so and then calm down.

Dad: We are not getting a dog.

Daughter: This is very undemocratic.

Boy: All my friends have got dogs.

Dad: So, B&Q..?

Boy: Alex, Joe, Michael, Connor, Benny -

Mum (EXAMINING TIN OF DOG FOOD): This looks quite tasty -

Boy: Lianne, James, Jason, Jeremy -

Girl: Jeremy?

Boy: Shut up! Peter, Paul, Christopher -

Mum (PUTTING TIN IN THE TROLLEY): If we can't have a dog, let's have another baby.

Dad (QUICKLY): We'll get a dog.