Location: Supermarket pet food aisle. Interior. Afternoon.
Characters: Mum, Dad, two children - one girl, one boy.
Mum: Do we need dog food?
Dad: We haven't got a dog.
Mum: So we don't need dog food, then?
Girl: Can we get a dog?
Boy: What about a puppy?
Girl: Let's have a vote. Who here wants a dog?
MUM, GIRL & BOY RAISE THEIR HANDS
Girl: That's one, two, three votes against one. We win.
Dad: We're not getting a dog.
Girl (MUTTERING): It's like living in Stalinist Russia.
Dad (QUICKLY): What we do need is plant food. Who fancies a trip to B&Q?
Mum, Girl, Boy: NO!
Dad: For the roses.
Mum: We haven't got any roses.
Dad: Yes, we have. That white one in the back. Ice - ice -?
Dad: That's the one.
Mum: You dug it up.
Mum: You said it looked dead, so you dug it up.
Daughter (SMUGLY): All roses look dead in winter.
Mum: You dug up the clematis too.
Boy: And that other plant.
Dad: What other plant?
Boy: The one you said looked dead.
Girl: All plants look dead in winter.
Boy: Except Christmas trees.
Girl: Let's get a dog for Christmas!
Dad: We can't get a dog. It'll go to sleep, I'll think it's dead and I'll bury it.
Daughter: Just get one, Mum. He'll be cross for a week or so and then calm down.
Dad: We are not getting a dog.
Daughter: This is very undemocratic.
Boy: All my friends have got dogs.
Dad: So, B&Q..?
Boy: Alex, Joe, Michael, Connor, Benny -
Mum (EXAMINING TIN OF DOG FOOD): This looks quite tasty -
Boy: Lianne, James, Jason, Jeremy -
Boy: Shut up! Peter, Paul, Christopher -
Mum (PUTTING TIN IN THE TROLLEY): If we can't have a dog, let's have another baby.
Dad (QUICKLY): We'll get a dog.