Location: Cafe bar. Late afternoon. Interior.
Characters: Two women in their 30s sit at a table chatting.
Brunette: I wasn't going to tell you this...
Blonde: I can guess.
Brunette: I called round to see -
Blonde (TRIUMPHANT): Rick.
Blonde: Rick the Prick
Brunette: I wanted a damn good seeing to.
Brunette: He had a headache.
Blonde: Rick never has headaches.
Brunette: I know. (BEAT). That's why I'm depressed.
Blonde: Buy a rabbit. (BEAT). Not the furry kind.
Brunette: Got one. (BEAT). Sometimes y'fancy the real thing, y'know?
Blonde (SIGHS): Yup. (BEAT). Women like sex more than men.
Blonde: For all those jokes about electric blankets and flannel nighties.
Brunette: You could be right. (BEAT). I've never had a headache.
Blonde: Not even with -?
Brunette: No. (LAUGHS). He just made me physically sick.
Brunette: Not at the time. But now - the thought!
Blonde: Don't. (SHUDDERS).
Brunette: Cheer me up. Tell me about Spanker.
Blonde: No! I'm not doing all my yesterdays.
Brunette: About Honey Boy.
Brunette (PERSUASIVELY): About Darren...
Blonde (ROLLS HER EYES): Okay. Because Rick's been a dick.
Brunette: You're a mate.
Blonde: He was going back to Portsmouth.
Blonde: I got on the train at Lime Street to kiss him goodbye -
Blonde: The carriage was empty.
Blonde: We had a cuddle.
Blonde: I gave him a blow job -
Blonde: Did you go all the way?
Brunette: No, only to Runcorn -
Blonde & Brunette (TOGETHER): Then I got the train back!
THEY BOTH LAUGH.
Brunette: Sod coffee. I need a drink.
Brunette: Only if it's a stiff one.