Sunday, 2 August 2009

Voyage Round My Father's Head #2

See previous post for explanation.

Father: Sid Dene's phoned me.
Daughter: Hello, Dad. How are you?
Father: Sid Dene. Do you remember him?
Daughter: I'm feeling much better, thanks for asking.
Father: Sid used to visit us in Argyll Close.
Daughter: Nope, doesn't ring any bells.
Father: We lived there until you were eight.
Daughter: I remember Argyll Close. I don't remember Sid Dene.
Father: He was my boss at Ashton Baths. Great family man.
Daughter: Are you out of the bath yet?
Father: Big man. Lots of black hair.
Daughter: So, Sid Dene's phoned you. How did he get your number?
Father: You know Bryan Hill?
Daughter (DISAPPROVING): Mmm.
Father: Great womaniser.
Daughter: Always talked to my chest.
Father: What?
Daughter: Nothing.
Father (IRRITATED): I wish you'd speak properly. Your mother mumbles all the time, too.
Daughter: Is this going anywhere, Dad?
Father: I was at Bryan Hill's car showroom once and he had this secretary, Gerry.
Daughter: Yes?
Father: Great looking woman.
Daughter: Can I stop you a moment. You haven't phoned the Bookie's for at least a minute.
Father: Your mother's hidden my mobile.
Daughter: Ahh...
Father: So I asked Bryan if he was going out with Gerry.
Daughter: Was Bryan sleeping in his garage at this point?
Father: What?
Daughter: When his wife wouldn't let the dog into the house? He slept in the garage with the dog for three years?
Father: That was years later. Anyway, Bryan said "I'm not going out with Gerry."
Daughter: And?
Father: He said it three times. "I'm not going out with Gerry."
Daughter: I'm not following this, Dad.
Father: Sid was!
Daughter: Sid was what?
Father: Going out with Gerry. He left his wife and family and moved to Cornwall with her.
Daughter: When was this?
Father: 1975. It's all going in my book.
Daughter: A riveting read.
Father: Bryan Hill saw Sid last year. Very sad.
Daughter: I can see why Sid would find that depressing.
Father: He's very thin and has lost his hair and teeth.
Daughter: That was careless.
Father: Gerry died. (BEAT). She was a great looking woman.
Daughter: Oh dear.
Father: Bryan Hill said Sid smelled. Needed a wash. Looked like a tramp. (BEAT). Sid's emailing me every day now.
Daughter: Oh?
Father: I've invited him to stay.
Daughter: Have you told Mum?
Father (SOUND OF WATER GUSHING FROM A TAP): Got to go, love. I'm meeting my accountant in The Slater's.

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