Location: Living room, interior, evening.
Characters: Mum, Teenage Daughter (Banshee), (Not so) Small Boy.
Small Boy (ENTERING LIVING ROOM WAVING SHEET OF PAPER): I've done my homework!
Banshee (WATCHING TV): Shhhh!
Mum: Well done.
Mum: Did you spell check it?
Small Boy: Forgot.
Mum: Pass it here.
BANSHEE TURNS UP THE VOLUME OF THE TV.
Mum: Why's it in German?
Small Boy: What?
Mum: WILL YOU TURN THAT DOWN, PLEASE! (TV VOLUME IS LOWERED). Why have you done your homework in German?
Banshee: It's German homework?
Small Boy: I don't do German. I do French.
Banshee: So why's your homework in German?
Small Boy: Babelfish.
Banshee (SNORTS): Babelfish's rubbish.
Mum: What's a Babel Fish?
Small Boy: It's an online something that translates something into something else.
Mum (CONFUSED): And what homework is this?
Small Boy: History.
Mum: Why have you written your history homework in German?
Banshee: Because he's an idiot.
Small Boy (PRODUCES A CRUMPLED PIECE OF PAPER FROM HIS POCKET): I've got it in English, too. I can read it out.
Banshee: I'm trying to watch TV.
Mum: Go in the other room.
Small Boy (CLEARS THROAT AND READS LOUDLY): Our great leader, Adolf Hitler -
Small Boy: - is a much misunderstood man, who -
Banshee (TURNS OFF THE TV): This is gonna be good.
Small Boy: - is not at all violentistic -
Small Boy: - but very humoristic and in the privacy of his own home he often curls back his upper lip and does an excellent rabbit impression -
Small Boy: He is a vegetarian who is kind to small children and animals -
Small Boy: - and takes a daily walk in his local park, stopping for a nice warming drink in -
Mum (SNATCHING THE PAPER FROM SMALL BOY): What on earth is this?
Banshee: He's a Nazi. I warned you. Woodcraft Folk, then Scouts -
Small Boy: I'm a spy!
Mum: A what?
Small Boy: A spy. The thing is, Mum, I'm pretending to be an English spy pretending to be a German journalist and I've cleverly revealed lots of information about Hitler so that then The Allies will be able to use it -
Banshee (SIGHING LOUDLY): If only Churchill had known about the rabbit impersonations!
Small Boy: - and then they'll send a group of undercover assassinators -
Small Boy: Assassinators -
Banshee: Disguised as small children and animals?
Small Boy: To assassin him. They could poison his nice warming drink -
Mum: You can't hand this in! Your teacher will think we're a family of fascists!
Mum: What was the title of this homework?
Small Boy (SEARCHES POCKETS AND PRODUCES A TATTY SCRAP OF PAPER. HE UNFOLDS IT AND READS): The Vikings and Their Trading Empire.
Mum: What has this got to do with the Vikings?
Small Boy (SHRUGS): Nothing.
Mum: Then please explain why you have written an essay on how wonderful Hitler is in German?
Small Boy: Babelfish wouldn't do Viking.