Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Overheard Conversations #1

Location: A station platform. Exterior. Day.

Woman - late 40s, bleached hair, plump, works in station tea shop
Man 1 - mid 50s, balding, fluorescent jumpsuit, carrying black binbag
Man 2 - 40s, not as balding, fluorescent jumpsuit, also carrying black binbag

Train screeches to a halt at platform. Man 1 & Man 2 leap onto train, move through the carriages, exit train at other end, black binbags slightly more full. Train rushes away.

Woman (PULLING DOWN SHUTTER ON TEA SHOP): Well, I'll be off then, lads.

Man 1 or 2 (it doesn't matter which): Okay, love.

Woman: I'm taking him for his sun ray treatment. Psoriasis.

Man 1 or 2 (as before): Oh.

Woman: Yes, covered in it, he is. Like a lizard. A dry, patchy, scaly lizard.

Man 1 or 2 (as before): Oh.

Woman: It's only the sun ray that keeps it at bay. My sheets are ruined.

Man 1 or 2 (as before): Oh.

Woman: He has to stand in front of those sun ray lamps naked. Completely naked. (BEAT). Except for his sunglasses. (BEAT). And a sock.

Man 1 or 2 (as before): Oh?

Woman: Yes, he has to take a sock with him. To cover his bits. You know.

Man 1 or 2 (as before): Ohhh...

Woman: No-one wants blisters on their bits. Or prickly heat. (SHE LAUGHS). He uses one of those sports socks. (BEAT). He's got big feet.

Man 1 or 2: OH!

Woman: So I'll be off. See you tomorrow!


Man 1: Did she say sports sock?

Man 2: Now you know why she comes to work with a smile on her face.



  1. Please say this was an actual, real life conversation? It's pure Bennett! Fabulous stuff!


  2. Real life, with the boring bits taken out.