Location: Living room, extravagantly upholstered. Ornaments, lots of 'em. Potted plants and vases of spring flowers.
Characters: Annie, 83. Liza, 40ish. Both are drinking tea.
Annie (LEANING BACK IN HER ARMCHAIR): Right, now Easter's over, I'm on the minge.
Liza (SPLUTTERS): Pardon?
Annie: I'm on the minge.
Liza: I'm not sure what you mean, Annie ...?
Annie: I'm not spending another penny. I'm being mingy. Haven't you heard that expression?
Liza: Yes, but, er, minge isn't the same as mingy.
Annie: Of course it is.
Liza: No, it really isn't.
Annie: Well, what's a minge when it's at home?
Liza (VERY EMBARRASSED): Umm, well, you're, er, sitting on it.
Annie: An armchair?
Liza: No, it's, ummm, more physical.
Annie (THINKS BRIEFLY): A bottom? A minge is a bottom?
Liza: Not exactly ...
ANNIE PONDERS THIS.
Annie: Ohhh, I see! (BEAT.) Oh heck, I've told everyone I was on the minge. I told the milkman this morning. And the chiropodist.
Liza: I'm sure they'll have worked it out.
Annie: You didn't.
Liza: No, well -
Annie: I'll explain next time I see them.
Liza: Yes.
Annie: I'm always doing that.
Liza: What?
Annie: Getting my words muddled.
Liza: Oh?
Annie: Yes. Only last week I called that Graham Cameron a wanker.
Liza: Graham Cameron?
Annie: Him as wants to be Prime Minister.
Liza: You mean -
Annie: And our Maureen said "Auntie Annie, you can't call people wankers." And I said "He's an idiot. Of course I can call him a wanker."
Liza: And what did Maureen say?
Annie: She told me what a wanker was.
Liza (FAINTLY): Oh -
Annie: And, you know, I just couldn't visualise it.
Roll Credits
Posts
Hmmm ...all these new words that've come into the dictionary since I was a gal....
ReplyDeleteI love your overheard conversations, Moptop. Winge with an 'm' was new to me, so thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteA new emigrant to Calgary - a Scottish organist - was having tea with a local patron of the arts who thought he would be perfect for her grand-daughter. (Never mind that he was obviously gay)
'She's got a lot of spunk, that girl,' Grandma twinkled, whilst the organist choked on his tea.
Oh, I just had a horrible feeling I've already related that little story here. Or was it somewhere else?? Can your next post be about mental dysfunction?? I'd like to find it laughable.
ReplyDeleteI've not heard that story before - and if I had, I probably wouldn't remember so you're in good company!
ReplyDelete