Tuesday, 2 March 2010

The All NEW Banned List!

Delight in my misfortune if you will, but after creating an ongoing Banned List on this blog, I have now been issued with my very own Banned List. It has been constructed by the Banshee and the (not so very) Small Boy.

1. If I am going to insist on listening to Kanye West's Gold Digger in the car I am not allowed to
a) sing along or 2) appear to be dancing whilst waiting at traffic lights.

2. In fact, any dancing to Kanye West's Gold Digger is BANNED unless it is
a) conducted in the kitchen with the blinds down and 2) whilst no-one else is in the house.

3. Never again am I allowed to say "Goodness, the language in this song [Gold Digger] is dreadful. We couldn't play it to Grandma, could we?"

4. Similarly, I am BANNED from saying "Kanye West's very inventive in his rhymes, isn't he?" on the basis of listening to one song [Gold Digger].

5. I am not allowed to ask who Busta or Usher is as - apparently - I have already had this question answered several times.

6. I am BANNED from reading out any Top Sentences whilst Banshee's friends are in the house. This rule was constituted this evening after I read out my current Top Sentence* whilst Banshee and friends were in the middle of eating. It was not the digestive process per se that caused the upset. It was the nature of the Top Sentence.

Do not read on if you are in the middle of eating.

*Current Top Sentence: Flies swam in the ceiling lights and the toilets spat out their usual stink of clitoris sweat and warm shit.

6a) I am BANNED from saying clitoris in public.

(I was tempted to misspell the final word in the previous sentence for comic effect, but feel this post is already verging on gratuitous).


  1. I'm not at all sure a clitoris is even able to sweat. (ooh - am I allowed to say clitoris and should I have checked if anyone was eating?)

  2. BB, I WAS eating and now my oatcake tastes of ****** ******** (Discretion in case anyone was eating).