Monday, 15 March 2010

The All-Purpose Apology

Dear Mum / Partner / Lord High Admiral *

I apologise deeply / profoundly / 1000m below sea level *

For not noticing
- that my shoes were muddy
- that the remote control was on the coffee table exactly where you said it was
- a 433 ft underwater pinnacle made of rock.*

My failure in this matter caused a significant amount of damage to
- the cream shag-pile in the hall
- the 42" wide-screen TV which makes even the skinny weather girl look short and fat
- a Royal Navy nuclear submarine. *

In my defence, I had lost my
- door key
- temper
- Signals Communications Officer.*

If I promise to
- do the dishes for a week
- stop talking during Antiques Roadshow especially when the experts are revealing the valuations of hitherto unprepossessing objects
- stay on dry land*

will you forgive me?

Yours etc. etc.

* Delete as appropriate


  1. I love this kind of thing. I might use it at school to get their imaginations going.

  2. Let me know what the little darlin's come up with!

    I heard the story on BBC Radio 4 news and kept thinking about how the males in my household (WARNING: Sexist Stereotyping Alert) cannot see something unless it is shouting and waving at them.

    As Lurpak Lighter has not been blessed (yet) with independent movement or speech, it often remains unlocated in the fridge (front of specially emptied shelf at eye-level)and the toast is eaten dry.

    I wondered if drivers (pilots? steerers?) of submarines suffered from the same inability to see what is in front of their eyes ...?