Thursday, 29 April 2010
Everard Wright, Esq.
Sir David Cameroon
c/o Millbank Mansions
Dear Sir Cameroon
I admire the manner in which you've handled yourself recently. You've kept yourself stiff and English. Well done, Sir! If only more politicians could be restrained. Alas, generally, they're such Common People.
I have, however, a small bone to pick with you. I've been perusing your manifesto with a keen lawyer's eye. You strike me as a bookish man, whereas I know life practically. Hence this letter.
This policy of yours to reward Married Couples to the tune of £150 per annum is ill-conceived.
I, a confirmed bachelor (and not likely to assist with the conception of anything), echo Captain Otter's views on wedlock:
Wives are nasty, sluttish animals ... a scurvy clogdogdo, an unlucky thing, a very foresaid bear-whelp, without any good fashion or breeding, mala bestia!
(With the exception of the uxorious Moira Stewart, of whom I have had occasion to write to Points of View.)
Clearly, you've trained your own particular wife fairly well - although her no show without Punch attitude must be wearing.
Still, your personal desire to keep her in capes and snakeskin diaries is no justification for penalising the singular and individual in this Big Society* of ours.
Everard Wright LLB (Hons)
* You are very right to continually emphasise the fact that Society is big and getting bigger all the time. I blame the Obesity Time Bomb.